ada connor

I was there when the old magic was written.

I was there when the internet tricked us into inventing it.

I was there when Sufjan Stevens got his first holy erection in the transept.

I was there when Arnold Schwarzenegger got pregnant for real, and they had to make up that movie to explain it.

I was there when Luna Park ate that kid.

I was there at the secret state funeral of Good Knievil, after he was murdered by the evil one.

I was there when Nellie Bly flew her prison around the world.

I was there when ‘bike’ was short for ‘bicameral legislature’, and Paul Von Hindenburg rode his bike off a cliff.

I was there when men were men, and dinosaurs were dinosaurs, and real men let themselves be fucked by dinosaurs until they could see the colour of time.

I was there when the only book in existence was a Guy Fieri-licensed anthology of fairy tales ………… called Guy Fieri-tales.

I was there when the only post office was the sea, and the only letters were family members who had betrayed you.

I was there when hydrogen got mad at carbon, and then oxygen wouldn’t speak to helium, and then all this shit happened.

I was there, but they said you’d already left.